Excuse-and-Run

In Alaska it is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane. Additionally, it is against the law to view moose from an airplane.
- Strange Alaskan Laws

There goes the one thing I've wanted to do all my life. Moose are funny when they run, think of what they'd look like flying!

In the spirit of my upcoming trip to Alaska, which due to unforeseen expensive circumstances just drew a day nearer (not by time travel). I have decided to write a survival guide for broke (and even in debt) travelers. While there are many different ways one can survive on a delightful jaunt in the Alaskan wilderness, or any wilderness for that matter, there is one key method that consistently works. I call it Excuse-and-Run.

In order to gain a better understanding of how to use this method, I will give you two examples that I fully expect to encounter next week while treating my sunburn in Alaska. Mainly, you just need to remember two things to prevent yourself from spending money while on vacation: blurt out the first excuse that pops into your head as to why you cannot participate, and then run before people can realize your cunning charm.

Situation #1: Whale Watching
You and your friends are sitting on a nice Alaskan couch discussing iceburgs and the like when someone mentions, "there are these really neat whale watching excursions that we can take if anyone would be interested. They're only $50 for 2 hours!" Suddenly, you freeze. Whale watching sounds so exciting, but alas you do not have $50. Anywhere. How do you gracefully get out of this exciting opportunity that could so easily broaden your horizons? Easy. Excuse-and-Run. As the rest of your friends are wondering how the size of whales compare to Russia, blurt out, "I'm terrified of whale watching. The last time I went whale watching, I was in Oregon. I got very seasick and while I was leaning over the edge of the boat sticking my finger down my throat trying to throw up just to ease the sickness, a whale emerged from the water and tipped the boat over so that we almost drowned. The coast guard had to rescue us and it was quite a debacle. It even made the local news." Then, before anyone can think about the legitimacy of your story, declare "Oops, I need to take my moose allergy pills!" and run off.

Situation #2: Eating Local Cuisine
Several days later, you are walking down Alaskan streets with your friends listening to them talk about a large whale that they got to pet. Someone's tummy rumbles (maybe it was yours, but you're not going to say anything) and another person mentions "You know, there's this really good Alaskan restaurant up here that serves delicious Alaskan food that costs money." Eating food sounds delicious, but you do not have money. Anywhere. How do you gracefully get out of this opportunity to satisfy your groaning stomach while staying alive? Easy. Excuse-and-Run. As the rest of your friends are beginning to skip down the road anticipating delicious morsels of Alaskan food that costs money, you suddenly stop and exclaim, "Stop! Wait! Guys, I'm terrified of Alaskan restaurants. The last time I went to an Alaskan restaurant, I was sitting by a window enjoying my moose burger. Suddenly, a real live cannibal moose burst through the window, took my burger in its mouth, and funnily ran away! If that's not bad enough, the glass from the window breaking got into my mother's water glass and she suffocated and died." Then, before anyone can process what you just said, declare "Oooh, I think I saw some fresh wintergreen leaves over in that forest by the ocean. Let me go see!" and run off.

By now, I think you get the picture. Excuse-and-Run is a very effective method of getting through a vacation after accidentally putting too much of your summer savings into investments that are more secure than under mattresses.

Bon Voyage!
-Matthias