Crunchy

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.
-Daniel J. Boorstin

I wish I could afford one.


A few days ago I wanted an orange. Now, you must understand that this is really a very fun thing to want in Romania. Seeming how we are only a few hours drive from the fruit orchards of Greece we get delicious fruit here. It is also neat because the EU has banned all forms of genetic engineering and therefore the fruit is way better. I was thinking about all these wonderful facts and savoring the idea of biting into a delicious Grecian orange as I prodded down the hall into the pantry. I carefully picked out the biggest most orangeish orange that I could find in the basket. I brought it into the kitchen and my excitement grew as I peeled it. The juicy fruits on the interior of the orange shimmered slightly as I separated them and picked out the perfect slice to devour. Slowly, I brought the morsel up to my mouth, my taste buds watering. I popped it into my mouth and started to chew.

It was crunchy.

Did you know that they still made oranges with seeds? I certainly didn't. I mean, I should have realized that they were still in existence, but for human consumption? Maybe my American ideals are showing though.

Apples are also different here too. Several days ago I wanted an apple. I prodded down the hall thinking about how an apple would be so much better than an orange because I wouldn't have to fish out stubborn seeds. I picked out the first apple I saw and brought it into the kitchen. Now, you have to realize that they don't use any form of pesticides or "beautification" procedures on fruit. In fact, every piece looks like it could have been picked off the tree just yesterday. As I cut the apple I pondered these facts. I soon started to realize the full implication that these facts implied.

Almost half the apple was uneatable and wormy.

We had bought it from the store! That's something you don't see every day in the States. The apple was also quite mushy because they don't make crunchy apples here.

Oh well.

Next time you eat a seedless orange or a crunchy apple think of me and pray.
-Matthias

PS. The toilet paper has changed. It is now lemon-lime.

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Peaches

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
-George Carlin (1937 - 2008)

Good principle, I haven't followed it, but good nonetheless.


On Wednesday of this past week I arrived by aeroplane in Romania. After a long drive I finally reached my destination, a tiny village where you see little old men driving ox-carts while talking on cell phones. What a paradox. When I got to the house that I would live in I politely shared greetings and then rushed off to the restroom, well washroom as they are called here. As I was doing my business (here is where you should stop thinking) a whiff of a strange scent touched my nose. I sniffed, trying to figure out what it was. I had no idea. Soon, I reached down for the toilet paper.

Now, toilet paper has always fascinated me, and the toilet paper in Romania is certainly the most fascinating that I have ever seen. You see, it was pink and orange and had little butterflies fluttering all over it. As I proceeded to examine the design I brought the paper up to eye-level. The strange smell intensified! My superior reasoning led me to believe that the toilet paper was the cause of the fragrance, but I didn't know for sure.

I don't know if it is just me, but the thought of smelling toilet paper is a little bit disgusting. Sitting there on the toilet I had to make a decision. Do I satisfy my curiosity by sniffing toilet paper, or do I just use it and get out? My curiosity got the better of me and indeed I shoved the toilet paper up to my nose and sniffed.

The toilet paper smelled like peaches.

People who designed bathrooms to be private places were certainly good thinkers. I am eternally thankful to them as I must of looked quite foolish, sniffing my peach scented toilet paper. But seriously, what is the point of putting fragrance in toilet paper? Especially food scents! That is just wrong.

Next time you use toilet paper think of me with my peach paper and pray.
-Matthias

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