Invisible

The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.
-Unknown

Note: The names of the roads and towns in this post have been changed because the author forgot the real names and had to make up Romanian sounding names to take their places.

Two days ago my family and I were busily driving through the country of Romania. We were on our way home from the International Messengers annual staff conference that was held in Poland. This was our third and final day of driving and we were all excited to get back "home". Dad had decided that he wanted to take the back roads, so mom was busily looking at the map trying to navigate a way through the tiny villages and bumpy roads of Romania. Every once and awhile she would call out directions: "Turn right! No no! Right, Ron, Right!". Dad would already be taking a left, but would suddenly flip the car around and head towards the right, like he was planning to go that way the whole time. Us kids would just smile and wave at the stunned people staring at us from their horse carts. I'm sure every one of those people whipped out their cell phones the moment we were out of eyesight and spread rumors about the "evil American driver" terrorizing the community.

Slowly, we got into the swing of things, turning on random roads, clenching our jaws while we wondered if it was physically possible for our teeth to vibrate out of our mouths. About an hour into the drive we were approaching our next turn. Mom exclaimed "Ok, Ron. It says on the map to turn Right up here on E261. Look, there's the sign for it now!" We all braced ourselves and squeezed our eyes shut waiting for the hairpin turn.

Nothing happened.

We opened our eyes and realized that the car had come to a stop. Mom and Dad were in the front seat looking confused, the map spread out between them. I looked up, out of the moon roof and saw that there was a sign for Route E261 looming above the car. I looked out the window and saw corn fields in every direction. I cleaned my glasses and looked out again.

The road was invisible.

There was no Route E261, at least, none that we could see. The map said there was a road there, the sign told us that there was a road there, but there wasn't. Maybe it's because we are Americans.

Mom and Dad quickly recovered and Dad flipped the car around again. They had decided on a different route that avoided E261. Now we were all told to look for the town of "Şaptezeci". Soon we saw a little sign that said "Now entering Şaptezeci" We looked around. We all cleaned our glasses. The town was invisible. Just corn fields.

Eventually we got home and found out the reason why there are so many invisible roads and towns in Romania. You see, contractors will go to the government and say "We are going to build a road here, give us money" and the government will. The contractors will put up signs and tell the cartographers that there is a road there. Then, they pocket the rest of the money and never build the road. It happens all the time.

Next time you drive on a visible road think of us and pray.
-Matthias

Read more...

Crunchy

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.
-Daniel J. Boorstin

I wish I could afford one.


A few days ago I wanted an orange. Now, you must understand that this is really a very fun thing to want in Romania. Seeming how we are only a few hours drive from the fruit orchards of Greece we get delicious fruit here. It is also neat because the EU has banned all forms of genetic engineering and therefore the fruit is way better. I was thinking about all these wonderful facts and savoring the idea of biting into a delicious Grecian orange as I prodded down the hall into the pantry. I carefully picked out the biggest most orangeish orange that I could find in the basket. I brought it into the kitchen and my excitement grew as I peeled it. The juicy fruits on the interior of the orange shimmered slightly as I separated them and picked out the perfect slice to devour. Slowly, I brought the morsel up to my mouth, my taste buds watering. I popped it into my mouth and started to chew.

It was crunchy.

Did you know that they still made oranges with seeds? I certainly didn't. I mean, I should have realized that they were still in existence, but for human consumption? Maybe my American ideals are showing though.

Apples are also different here too. Several days ago I wanted an apple. I prodded down the hall thinking about how an apple would be so much better than an orange because I wouldn't have to fish out stubborn seeds. I picked out the first apple I saw and brought it into the kitchen. Now, you have to realize that they don't use any form of pesticides or "beautification" procedures on fruit. In fact, every piece looks like it could have been picked off the tree just yesterday. As I cut the apple I pondered these facts. I soon started to realize the full implication that these facts implied.

Almost half the apple was uneatable and wormy.

We had bought it from the store! That's something you don't see every day in the States. The apple was also quite mushy because they don't make crunchy apples here.

Oh well.

Next time you eat a seedless orange or a crunchy apple think of me and pray.
-Matthias

PS. The toilet paper has changed. It is now lemon-lime.

Read more...

Peaches

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
-George Carlin (1937 - 2008)

Good principle, I haven't followed it, but good nonetheless.


On Wednesday of this past week I arrived by aeroplane in Romania. After a long drive I finally reached my destination, a tiny village where you see little old men driving ox-carts while talking on cell phones. What a paradox. When I got to the house that I would live in I politely shared greetings and then rushed off to the restroom, well washroom as they are called here. As I was doing my business (here is where you should stop thinking) a whiff of a strange scent touched my nose. I sniffed, trying to figure out what it was. I had no idea. Soon, I reached down for the toilet paper.

Now, toilet paper has always fascinated me, and the toilet paper in Romania is certainly the most fascinating that I have ever seen. You see, it was pink and orange and had little butterflies fluttering all over it. As I proceeded to examine the design I brought the paper up to eye-level. The strange smell intensified! My superior reasoning led me to believe that the toilet paper was the cause of the fragrance, but I didn't know for sure.

I don't know if it is just me, but the thought of smelling toilet paper is a little bit disgusting. Sitting there on the toilet I had to make a decision. Do I satisfy my curiosity by sniffing toilet paper, or do I just use it and get out? My curiosity got the better of me and indeed I shoved the toilet paper up to my nose and sniffed.

The toilet paper smelled like peaches.

People who designed bathrooms to be private places were certainly good thinkers. I am eternally thankful to them as I must of looked quite foolish, sniffing my peach scented toilet paper. But seriously, what is the point of putting fragrance in toilet paper? Especially food scents! That is just wrong.

Next time you use toilet paper think of me with my peach paper and pray.
-Matthias

Read more...